A dog and his boy
by Shiva's Avatar
Summary: Life’s a bad joke … where the one who’s always smiling, is really the one hurting the most inside [Beast BoyRobin slash]
1. Chapter 1

A dog and his boy

By- Shiva's Avatar

You know what Robin? Screw you.

And in case you were wondering, I wasn't kidding this time. Despite how I may act, everything isn't always a friggin joke …

You pull this same stunt every night. Work out in the stupid gym, go to take a breather on the couch with a bottled water before you shower, and then nod off while watching an infomercial for Jesus water or Oxiclean. Seriously dude, I could set a clock to you.

Do you have any idea how much you reek? Cyborg is nice when he wakes you up in the morning. Well … that or he doesn't have a super sensitive sense of smell. Either way dude, you still always manage to wake me up. Always leave the entire tower reeking of testosterone, whatever musk you term cologne, and the unique scent that's all you.

Heh. Guess maybe I was kidding when I said screw you. I guess what I meant to say was screw me. You might be Mr. Perception with everything else, but you're fooled pretty damn easy by a plastic smile. Heh-heh … Beast Boy wants to do it with Robin … funny huh? One hell of a pun … right?

Yeah, you're right. That's just sad. Plain old pathetic. How about this one instead …

What do you get when you cross a parrot and a crocodile?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm…?

Give up?

An animal that talks your head off!

…

Wow … more silence. Thanks. Starfire would have laughed. She wouldn't have gotten it, but she would have at least made the effort to smile. No, seriously dude, I don't feel like crap already. By all means just let me make a complete ass of myself, and not even grin for my benefit. No hard feelings … really.

I mean, just because while we were fighting Control Freak today, and I saw the hottest piece of tail ever, I still charged the dude rather then leave you to be crushed under thirty pounds of cable so that I could play fetch with _that_.

he-he … Get it? Thirty pounds of cable … he was crushing you with a TV …

FUCK dude, could you at least crack a smirk. I think I'm ready to cry here, and you still won't even look at me. I don't CARE how fantastic that black woman says her Jesus water is … I care about you dude … and you won't even LOOK at me.

She was in heat and everything, you know. She was giving me the eye dude … the "I wanna bear your puppies" look. And I turned all that down, so that I could get slammed with a Mac desktop. For you … I ALWAYS pass up free tail for YOU. I could be neck deep in kittens, puppies, kids … you name it! Could be an alpha male of whatever pack I choose … but I stick around here … getting my butt kicked by practically every bad guy we face. And you know why?

It's for you Robin. Duh.

Fuck … I'm not crying. I'm really not. Not like you'd notice even if I was. Just something in my eye … that's all.

…

Hey, Robin … Did you hear about the wish that went deaf?

He had to buy a herring aid!

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. I'm not crying, I swear. Just really dusty in here. And could you at least GLANCE up from the TV while I'm bearing my soul to you … please?

And when I was in the laundry room earlier, I totally wasn't thinking about drinking the bleach. Just trying to figure out how to get a grass stain out of my costume. I know Cy offered to show me how, but I just thought I'd tackle the problem on my own … ya know?

…

And, you know Robin I was just kidding about all that tail stuff. I don't want to do it with an animal … I'm better then that. It's why I've been waiting for you to notice me. That's why I'm smiling all the time you know … it's for you buddy boy. Only reason I'm here now is because of you. Well … that, and where the hell else is a freak like me supposed to go?

…

Hey, Robin … What does Santa say when goes fox hunting?

Tally hohoho!

And that wasn't a sniffle dude. Just a new breathing routine. Helps me change shape, ya know? God, I suck so bad at this. I'm so sorry I wasted your time dude. How's about I just click off the boobtube, put your water in the fridge, then curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep … and we can start again fresh tomorrow? I'll smile, you can grin, and I'll pretend tonight never happened …

Just like last night … or last week …

… just like every night …

…

Hey … Robin, what kind of monkey can fly?

A hot air baboon. … ha-ha, right? Pretty funny huh?

Maybe one of these nights I'll even have the guts to actually say all this in a language you can understand. Maybe one of these nights you'll wake up and realize that the green Doberman cleaning up your mess isn't just a dream. Maybe one of these nights you'll actually smile for me … one night you'll actually say you love me …

… yeah, I know. Ha-fucking-ha. But hey, one of us has to be the funny one, right dude? And we all know it sure ain't you.

…

Hey dude … Guess what kind of moron is head over heels for you?

Yup-yup. It's me.

Ha-fucking-ha … right?

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Author's notes-

…

…

…

Not quite sure why I wrote this. I think I just wanted to play with a different series, and try writing something in stream of consciousness without a prompt (and Beast Boy's speech patterns were always fun to play with … especially if I didn't censor him).

Anywho, real point of the author's notes … DISCLAIMER … I own nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

A dog and his boy

Chapter Two- Catatonic Affairs

By Shiva's avatar

Starfire, Starfire, Starfire…

You have NO idea how much I HATE you.

I mean really … who's THAT happy all the time? I mean really, come on, I'M the one who's supposed to be playing happy here … so stop toeing in on my territory. And just so you know, I don't care if your happiness is genuine and mine is fake … it's still my bit, so back off it already!

And you've been on earth HOW long now? Like a bazillion years … ok, more like two … but anyway, how can you not understand some of the simplest of concepts? You break it, you buy it is NOT something we should have to remind you of every time we leave the tower …

And don't you DARE think I don't see your angle. You go around pretending to be all dumb and stuff, and have Robin follow you around and explain everything to you over and over. Pffft … your not fooling anyone with your little sham …

… well except Robin. And Raven. And Cyborg. … well and just about everyone else you ever see or meet.

Ok, FINE. Ya know what?! You're not fooling ME with your little game!

Heh … guess it doesn't really matter though. Wanna hear a joke you won't understand so we can pretend everything's ok some more?

What kind of cats like to go bowling?  
_Alley cats._

Heh … and here we are AGAIN. You petting my head and telling me all your deepest darkest secrets. Well, they WOULD be your deepest darkest secrets if you didn't tell them to everyone within a ten mile radius of you …

You're all "I have these … feelings … for Robin. I do not understand … what does it mean when your insides hurt when someone is not around you?"

And I swear I'm all but ready to slap you upside the head. It's NOT fair! It's seriously NOT fair!

YOU'RE not supposed to like him. YOU'RE not supposed to be the happy one. YOU'RE NOT supposed to be the one who's going to get EVERYTHING I want …

WHY? WHY? Can you at least tell me that … WHY?!

Why does he notice when YOU smile at him? Why does he notice when YOU'RE sad? Why does he hug YOU? Why does he mumble YOUR name when he's sleeping on the couch, stinking up the tower with his masculine aroma?

Seriously … WHY?! What do you have that I don't …

… well, ok, besides a chest?

Seriously though … why does he notice you … but never even sees me. Even when I'm shoving my smile right in my face, he still doesn't see how much he really means to me …

Heh …this sucks. Let's talk about something else, ok?

How to cats greet each other at Christmas?  
_"A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year!"_

Yeah that's right Star … laugh it up now. Then when I'm not looking go ask Robin to explain the joke to you. It'll be just like all the other times …

FUCK … why do you have to be so friendly to me? Why do YOU have to be the one to notice when I'm upset? It'd be so much easier to hate you if you didn't treat me like I was one your best friends …

I don't wanna sound repetitive or anything … but why? Why HIM Star? You could have any boy you wanted … you're pretty, you're nice … you're every straight guys dream girl … so why … why HIM?

Heh. But I know the answer to that one don't I? Silly Beast Boy. You want him for all the same reasons I do, don't you? … Because he's reliable, because he lets you know in all the small ways that he cares, because he's dedicated … because you know that he would die for … and I mean, like, die literally … just to keep you safe. Not that romantic bull most guys feed you … I don't wanna sound gushy or anything … but Robin's REAL.

And cute … gatta admit he pulls off that mysterious stud role really well …

…

Ignore the sigh Star … because I still hate you. Well … not really, but I still want to. He's ganna choose you, everyone knows it … and the thing that sucks most is I can't really bring myself to hate either of you for it.

Heh. I'm such a loser … so rather then talk about this, here's another joke instead.

What do you call a cat that sucks on lemons?  
_A sourpuss._

I'm never ganna tell you any of this though. You may play dumb with human customs, but you and Raven seem to be the only ones able to spot my fake smiles … and you're the only one that calls me on them.

So we're ganna have these talks a lot. Me, a green tabby sitting silently in your lap as you tell me what makes you happy and sad, and about how you want to talk about my feelings and make me more "joyous". And since because deep down you're my friend, I won't dig my new found claws into your leg, as you pet behind my ears and tell me about how you've fallen for the same boy I want.

Heh … all this would be funny if it wasn't happening to me.

Heh-heh … actually, it'd be funny if I knew that in the end he wasn't ganna choose you, and that I'd have to someone watch you two be a couple. Watch him hold YOU, watch him kiss YOU, watch him say those three magic words to YOU … all the while I'm gnawing my lips to keep quiet, and stuck in a limbo of wanting to hate you both … but knowing I can't because of how much you mean to me.

Heh. I'll say I'm happy for you Star … and who knows, maybe I'll even mean it one day. But this is killing me … it really is … tearing me from the inside out. All of it made worse because you keep being nice, and asking me what's wrong …

Heh … like I'd ever tell you that I'm all but ready to cat fight over our team leader.

Heh-heh … cat fight. Another pun you wouldn't get, even though I was just cat and all …

And like all the other times I'll jump off your lap, transform back and shoot you a huge grin. Tell you I'm just a little down, but getting better, giggling to hide the sobs that are trying to sneak their way out of me. And telling you one last joke before I run off … something like …

What has more lives than a cat?  
_A frog. It croaks every night._

And then sneaking out onto the roof, turning myself back into an emerald colored tabby, and napping in the sun. Because I can at least have what I want when I dream …

Heh … I wish I could really hate you Star ... Well, that's a lie too …

… what I really wish was that I wasn't such a loser …

Heh-heh … get it? Loser … I'm "losing Robin to you"

* * *

Author's notes-

I really hadn't meant to continue this … but I'm having fun with Beast Boy's speech patterns. So this is going to be a "chapter" piece … which is really more a series of one-shot stories, all connected via character voice and theme.

I'll admit though, I'm developing a fondness of a more serious Beast Boy (still though with the jokes though …). Meh, we'll see how that develops though.

Thanks a bunch for reading, and reviews always make my day!

-Laters

-Shiva's avatar-

(oh yeah. Continued disclaimer. I still don't own Teen Titans … big surprise there, right:amused snort: )


	3. Chapter 3

A dog and his boy

Chapter Three- Lessons in Latin, because I failed lessons in love

By Shiva's avatar

Hia Robin, me again.

Sure, its four am … but I can't sleep so I figured I'd come out and have another chat with you. I know, I know … I can't compare with "astonish household cleaner" but I've been feeling kinda down lately … and I was … you know … hoping, maybe … for once … you could be the one to cheer me up. You know … if you're not too busy sleeping or anything.

And, don't be mad at me, but I've been sneaking into Raven's room. I know this is ganna sound really stupid, but I was hoping maybe she had a love spell or something … he-he … pretty funny, huh? Raven having something like that? I mean, yeah right! But I guess when you get desperate you're just willing to try anything …

And boy was she ticked when she caught me flipping through her books! I was rammed against a wall quicker then you could blink, and she stood real close and asked me "What the hell are you doing" in that scary tone she gets. Not ganna lie to Robin, but I never wanna see Raven that mad again … she's goes from her normal kinda creepy self to seriously scary. I really thought I was a goner. Her hands and eyes were glowing … and she was talking real low, like she was just waitin' for me to say something wrong so she could totally kick my butt.

… Sorry … I don't mean to be so serious … so … ummmm … ummmm …

What hotel does a wolf stay at?

A HOWL-day inn …

… Wow … ummm … way not to laugh dude.

But, err … right! Back to the story at hand, well paw rather I guess. Cause I am "Beast" boy after all … he-he …get it? It's funny because I'm a dog again …

…

Sorry, sorry, sorry … not funny, I know.

But back to the whole Raven thing … I just really wanted to be with ya dude … and I was willing to try anything. Maybe it isn't right, but I know that I can't beat Star … so I was just hoping …

Heh … I guess it doesn't really matter what I was hoping, huh? Raven said there wasn't a spell to make someone fall in love …

Well, actually get this. AFTER I accidentally blurt out that I snuck into her room to try and find a magical spell to make you fall in love with me … I would'a lied, but she scared the truth right out of me … she totally gets this surprised look … dur, bet she didn't see that one coming … and lets me fall to the floor. Now, I'm all for running away from a ticked off Raven, so I changed into a rabbit and bolted for the door. I almost made it out too before it glowed black, and slammed right in my face. Not ganna lie to you dude, running full speed into a closed door HURTS!

Now, I'm ready for Raven to kill me in some particularly horrible way … you know, like by ripping my off my arms and legs with her mind powers, or hitting me against the wall till my body breaks into a pile green goo. But instead she totally walks over and picks me up … because I was still totally a bunny …

And then she takes me over to her desk, sets me on her chair, and starts digging through the desk drawers. I'm totally waiting for her to start pulling out like knifes and scalpels and really pointy sticks … but she just keeps right on digging and tells me to change back.

She said in THAT tone too. You know, that Raven tone … tone.

So, I morph back, and wait for her to tell me how she's ganna kill me. Instead she tells me that she doesn't have a spell to make you love me, but she does have a magic wand that will let you know my feelings for you. I was a little confused at this point, but totally psyched! And I'm all but hugging Raven at this point … totally forgetting the fact that I thought she was ganna kill me ten seconds before. I mean, FINALLY I was ganna be able to let you know how I felt about you!

Then Raven pulls out a pen from the drawer and some fancy paper. Wait, what'd she call it? Oh yeah … "Stationary". "Stationary" with HEARTS on it. Seriously, when have you EVER seen Raven with anything with HEARTS? And then she puts the pen in my hand and tells me the only way your ganna ever know much I like you is to tell you … and that I should just write it all down and give it to you.

No offense, but Raven has to be the lamest person in the entire galaxy when it comes to this kinda mushy stuff. I mean, has she even ever LIKED a boy, let alone tried to do something like writing a love letter? Cuase I've tried writing them to you before … it just never came out right. … Then again, I guess I can't say much, seeing as I spent the next few hours writing you the letter that's hanging out in my mouth right now …

Then Raven went and started doing her whole "I'm so cool" floating/meditation/zen thing over her bed. And totally ignored me when I tried to bug her to see if there really WAS some obscure magic way to just make you love me…

So, ummm … yeah. I just spent the last four hours sitting at Raven's desk, writing a note to you on really girly paper … with little hearts on it … where I basically spill my guts out.

Now all I gatta do is nuzzle you awake, and put the envelope … which totally has little hearts on it too … in your hand.

Yeah … just gatta nuzzle you.

Ganna do it ANY second now …

Yup-yup … ANY second now …

…

…

…

Or well, maybe I could just do it tomorrow? Yeah! I wanna … ummm … edit my note … and umm … stuff … But I'll give it to tomorrow … Yeah! Tomorrow for sure!

So … ummm … sorry I bothered ya and stuff. I guess I'll see ya again tomorrow night… k?

Well … night dude ….

* * *

Author's notes-

:melodramatic gasps: oh no! The jokes are disappearing, and Beast Boy's speech pattern is getting more jittery, fast and nervous! (Sorry if it's a little tough to read … but I was trying for a skittish/nervous boy …who talks a mile a minute BEFORE he gets skittish/nervous).

:grins: Well, we're just nearing a resolution to the whole "how does Robin feel" question (and I STILL have no idea how long I plan to drag this out :Sweatdrops: ). Oddly enough, for something that was supposed to be just a bunch of random chapter pieces, its shaping up to have a very congruent storyline (which sucks … because now I keep wanting to go back and edit the hell out of the old chapters and make this into something longer … and its supposed to be my drabble piece! The piece I get to write in a night and post just to show people I'm not dead, and still like writing little pieces of slashy angst:whines some more: )

I dunno … I'll figure out if I want to edit it later.

As for now, I really like this chapter (mostly because even though Beast Boy doesn't see it … Raven actually bought that stationary to write HIM a love note. She went to mediate because the last thing she wanted was to cry … well, and destroy her room from the magical fit her emotional breakdown would cause ... but that might play out more in the next chapter … hmmmm … we'll have to see).

While Robin/Beast boy is cute … and is what this fic is all about … I really am a Beast boy/Raven fanboy at heart … mayhap one day I'll give them a little one shot all their own someday …

… :Headdesks: Its exam week, and I haven't been sleeping. I apologize if my author's notes make absolutely no sense (as always though, reviews/criticisms are super shibby).

-Oh yeah! And, disclaimer … I own nothing. Not even heart coated stationary (though note to self, I really should get some for amusement value if nothing else...).

And on that note …

Laters


End file.
